So I may be getting a biology degree, but occasionally (or not so occasionally) I need a break. So this year I took my second semester of British literature (my dream degree). My big assignment for the year was writing a piece of satire similar to Johnathon Swift's 'The Ladies Dressing Room' , he is a king of satire and stretches the bounds of what is socially acceptable (A Modest Proposal) please keep in mind he is the epitome of sarcastic. I played it a little safe, but still received a 100% for the final grade! Now don't get me wrong while reading below, I love Jane Austen, I've read all her novels many more times than once...but a little self effacing humor never hurt anyone ;)
A Jane Austen Book Club
They sigh and moan
and dream and wish
Why is my husband
not like this?
They want a man
from Pemberly
Who stares and
broods such as he,
5 This Mr. Darcy with his land.
He does not smile,
wink, or laugh
Until he meets
Elizabeth.
That one true love
they dream they think,
Cannot exist this
time this place.
10
These books they must fulfill their wish,
They must be their
gift their tryst.
Knightly for his
Emma must pine,
Until she learns
he bides his time.
All the women from
books throughout,
15
Must from a broken heart feel pain
And sometimes
swoon for love to gain.
At dances of such
social stance
Politics take the
form of plans.
New women read for
an escape,
20
From reality withdraw a pace
To a time lacks
rights for girls.
For money must a
choice be made,
Marry man or fop
no difference.
We are emancipate
girls rejoice!
25 Why
then wish for other of ways?
Because the lads
are also gents,
Their speech and
ways magnificent.
With carriages,
horses, land, and lakes,
They have the
forms ladies dreams do take.
30
When sisters leave the sense they have
They fall for men
of scoundrel miens
And open their
chests for hearts to take.
Dear ladies read
about these foibles,
Turn blind eye
towards rakes to date.
35 Men
made of the better mettle
Pray for women not
to settle.
The circumstances
never straight
Due to female’s
meddlesome ways.
Ladies today have
not dances
40
Instead they leave it to their chances
And weak fate is
as matchmaker
How can a lover,
man, and mate
Find his dream if
she will not traipse,
From the grasp of
her computer screen
45 From
Facebook, chat rooms, and the like?
To her real men
seem to grow pale
It is because
memory does fail.
If men today spoke
such as Darcy
Laugh she must at
such grey blarney.
50 So
ladies please give books a break
And as Miss
Dashwood learn to wait,
But don’t quite
leave things up to fate.
As Lizzy’s friend
tries to remind us,
Men know not of
this thing, Romance.
55 In
fact their wits hardly make sense,
But when she stays
they run away.
If heartbreak is
what you do fear
Then by all means
continue to leer
60 At
those dog-eared, worn, loved sheets.
Very fun! I loved Swift, but Austen's the one who stuck with me. :)
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