Thursday, August 7, 2014

One month

Not sure how we got to the one month mark with Prisoner already, but we did.  I am in love.  It has been years since I have clicked with a horse like this.  I had truly forgotten what it was like to ride a horse with so much talent and aptitude.  I had forgotten how much joy could be garnered flying over a fence, feeling like a Pegasus.  I had forgotten the feeling of anticipation for the journey ahead, the feeling of total bliss while cruising around a course.  Every horse can't inspire this, but this one can.
Be still my heart
Hubby says he got me the horse because he wanted me to be happy.  I don't think he even knows how happy I am.  There are no words.

The flip side of this for which there are also no words is Mojito.  He was supposed to be the special one, we were supposed to go places and conquer the world, he was supposed to be the answer to my dreams.  I've been alluding to him for a while now, but I just haven't been able to type the words.  You have probably noticed how sporadic his riding was over the last year and a half, and even more so before that.  Before I was short on time, for the last year and a half I have been trying to get him going.  He used to be the easiest horse, so willing and amiable.  It hasn't been that way for a long time, first I blamed his teeth, but when they got worked on there was minimal improvement.  Then I blamed his back, again it got worked on, again minimal improvement.  I kept making excuses, but he is only 7, has nearly no miles, he lives turned out.  He looks like an old man.  He used to be a phenomenal mover, truly one of the best I had ever seen.  Now, he takes the shuffling stride of an old quarter horse.  When hubby got home this spring he watched him in the field for 30 seconds and then asked how long my horse had been lame.  Yes, I've had him looked at by the vet, and race trainers (if anyone can see something or think of something it is them).  No, they are baffled.  It is something degenerative, possibly neurological.  Could I spend thousands of dollars on diagnosis?  Yes, but I'm not going to.  I don't have the money to throw around to find out what I already know, he can't be ridden.  Bute did nothing, time off has done nothing, x-rays were clean.  Stall rest wouldn't help, as it is an issue of weakness.  He gets worse right in front of my eyes.  I believe it was so subtle for a long time that it wasn't really noticeable as a lameness, but instead appeared to be training (or teeth or back) issues.  He no longer plays with his friends and mostly just stands around.  He is going to need put down.  I've been pussyfooting around it for about two months, but he has only gotten worse.  I kept doubting myself, but even that is gone, everyone I know that sees him is on the same page.  I convince myself that I will be ok with it, but then driving down the road at the most random of times I start crying.  It sneaks up on me.

So yes, I am happier than I have ever been, but also completely heart broken.  Thank you Prisoner for gluing me back together.  And to Mojito, when the time finally comes, may Heaven's green fields be ever green and crisscrossed by the marks of your frolicking hooves.

19 comments:

  1. You and Prisoner look wonderful and I'm really happy that you have him. Right now especially. I'm so sorry about Mojito. I know that there's nothing I can say that really helps, so *hugs*.

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  2. I am so, so sorry about Mojito - what heartbreak. Huge hugs to you - and Heaven always has a place for beloved horses.

    As for Prisoner ... I think he's out of the same mold as Apollo and Cuna: healer horses. I'm so glad you have him!! :)

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  3. That is so heartbreaking about Mojito, but I can't fault your decision at all.
    Prisoner had perfect timing though, it seems, though. He'll hold you together, I'm sure.
    *hugs*

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  4. Oh I am so sorry about Mojito, that is the hardest thing to do. On the flip side, I absolutely adore Prisoner, I'm glad you found him!

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear about Mojito, but it sounds like you're making the right decision. You and Prisoner look so joyful and I'm glad you're having fun with him!

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  6. I am happy for your happiness, and sad for your sadness.

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  7. So so so sorry about Mojito :( hope something turns around with him. Can only imagine how sad and frustrated and heartbroken you are. Glad you have Prisoner in your life.

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  8. So sorry Lindsay. :( Very happy Prisoner came into your life at the right time!

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  9. Oh, I am so sorry to hear about Mojito. What a sad thing for him and you. I am very glad Prisoner showed up to help you through this

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  10. I'm gutted for you, yet confused feelings as so glad P-shizzle is there to help heal.
    *massive-hugs*

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  11. Sorry to hear about Mojito, its hard when young animals have health issues, there's a lot of denial that can easily shadow our judgment. Glad you have Prisoner to keep you going.

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  12. So, so sorry to hear that about Mojito :( I can't begin to imagine how broken your heart is, and how hard it is to watch your best friend struggle like this. Sending LOTS of hugs.

    As for Prisoner, I think you are very similar to Sprinklerbandit in that the right horses found you guys at exactly the right time. You both were/are going through a tough time (SB with Cuna, you with Mojito), and Courage and P-diddy seemed to swoop in and rescue you and restore your faith in horses and in this sport. I've said this to SB and I'll say it to you: you and Prisoner are SUCH an amazing team, and I can tell that you guys clicked immediately. He seems to try his heart out for your every single time, and in just 4 short weeks, you are probably miles ahead of where you thought you'd be. I'm so excited to see where you and Prisoner are at this time next year, and I'm really happy that you're so in love with him! He is the perfect fit for you :)

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  13. Your situation with Mojito is hard, and I am so sorry. It's really brave of you to face what needs to be done for him. It's obvious Prisoner is special. It's lucky you have such a wonderful horse to help you as you grieve for Mojito.

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  14. Bittersweet indeed. </3 *hugs* for Mojito and *high fives* for Prisoner.

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  15. Oh man, bittersweet feelings for sure. So glad Prisoner is there, so sorry about Mojito. Not an easy decision at all. :(

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  16. My heart breaks for you and Mojito - it says a lot about how much you care for him that you are going to put his quality of life above your wants (not to have a broken heart after putting him down). You are surrounded by in-person and virtual support.
    lots of hugs (if you're the hugging type)

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  17. I think people, and horses are sent to us at the times we need them most! So glad you have Prisoner in your life!

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  18. *big hugs* I am so sorry. Words can never truly express the internal churning but when you know you know. I am really glad though that you have Prisoner to click with before letting Mojito go, having that small crutch does wonders in moving on.

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  19. *hugs* No one should ever have to go through what you're going through, with such a young horse, but I'm glad you have Prisoner to help you through it. It may sound callous to some, but my mom always talks about having a "bridge dog" to get her through as her heart dog got older, I think it's somewhat analogous here. Lean on Prisoner!

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