Tuesday, November 24, 2015

One Year

Thank you Facebook memories for letting me know that a year ago we said goodbye to Mojito.  Not exactly a cheery start to the day, but I know I made the right decision as I have no regret, just some lingering sadness about unfulfilled dreams and missing a friend.
He loved to be loved
I was planning to write about a song for Prisoner today.  I often share songs that describe a feeling or motivate me, but I struggle to find a song that could be my horse's theme.  Aimee's horse, Courage, though?  Every other song I hear on the radio seems like it could be about him, possibly due to his being a queen/diva.  Prisoner on the other hand is a little more self contained.  He seriously has just recently decided that snuggling is actually an acceptable pastime.
Blinded by the bling
I'm sure that part of his hesitation to come out of his shell is a reflection of my own hesitation.  I've gotten very attached to horses in the past only to have their owner take the ride back, or they die, or they end up showing a lack of aptitude so I sell them.  That last one may sound harsh, but I have goals.  I know it will be difficult to reach them, I might be 50 by the time I even get close, but I'm never going to get closer if I don't start with a somewhat suitable horse.
I think he is suitable
The struggle now is for me to get rid of bad habits (in my body and mind) gained from years of unsuitable horses.  Prisoner isn't easy, but I don't think 'easy' comes with the territory of wildly talented, so I won't complain.  He is skilled, but needs lots of training.  I am skilled, but need lots of polish.  Together I think that we can really go places.  The last several months have been such a time for growth and introspection.
All for you buddy, all for you
I can't even begin to tell you the number of horses I've ridden in apparent preparation for this one.  I've always looked at each challenge I've overcome with a horse as a time to build a new skill set.  Often when the horse is less of a big challenge and ready for true forward progress in their training I get moved on to the next horse.   'Thanks for dealing with all the sh*t redheadlins, time for you to start back at the beginning with the next project.'  I really have actually enjoyed all of that, but now I have my own horse past lots of his sh*t and guess what!?  I get to keep progressing with him.  He doesn't have a different owner to take him away.  He shows heaps of talent I can't wait to hone and polish.  I finally get to work on myself.  We get to be a team.
At our first adventure together
Circling back to what I was saying about my own hesitation preventing Prisoner's personality from really blooming.  I used to give a horse everything I had, heart and soul, but when our time together would inevitably come to an end, I would be shattered.  I started to protect myself, if I was going to train horses for people I couldn't let my soul get involved.  I've gotten away with keeping myself one step removed, but Mr. P isn't going to accept that.  I need to jump in, we need to build our faith in each other so that we can do the impossible.  Because isn't that what this crazy thing we all do with our horses really is?  Every day that we climb aboard a half ton animal and convince ourselves that we can control it with some leather straps held together by bits of metal, we defy the limits of possibility.  The moment I want to do more than cruise over a few jumps or elevate our ride from twenty meter circles to actually dancing I have to be invested.  I know this doesn't apply to everyone, maybe we can blame it on my red hair.
So red
I'm not talking about being some out of control emotional wreck.  What I mean is that I have to allow the horse into my deepest recesses.  The little bits of myself that I hold back and protect for me I have to share with my partner.  It is what creates those highest of highs and lowest of lows.  I've let this happen with a few horses and those are the ones I will remember for my whole life.  It is always a gamble, but this little horse I have is worthy.  All of this overly deep blather brings me to my original point about finding him a song.  Maybe as I open up to him more, he will too and I will be inspired about what music is his.  Right now though, there is a song that is ours.


  1. This was so beautiful! I have the same feeling that Prisoner is going to be a "big" horse for you.. but you can only reach the greatness in him by letting yourself go. Hard stuff! But so, so good for you! <3

  2. That is a perfect song for you guys! Even if it is a little girly for P-Man ;) And I still miss that grey face with tongue poking out.

  3. Love this, and the song! FB memories just let me know a week ago that it had been a year since I lost my OTTB. Very difficult times for sure, but you made the right choice!

  4. It took my heart a long time to heal properly after losing my old dude. I didn't really let Apollo in 100% until the last few years (been together for 9!). Love the song for you and your P-pony! :)

  5. I got goosebumps! You and Prisoner are going to do amazing things

  6. i love it! you and Prisoner have such a special partnership already - can't wait to see where it goes!!

  7. *hugs*
    The best things in life are worth fighting for; that's how we know we really want them. Keep being your bad ass selves and there is nothing you won't achieve together!