Relearn what you know

I used to be a good jump rider. Trusting, motivating, giving, strong yet soft, ect. ect.  Then I rode nothing but green babies and problem horses.  I made a name locally for myself.  I could get on just about anything and get it to chill out and eventually be a brave jumper, at which point the horse would be sold or the owner would take over riding again.

My first go at Training

While I gained many skills and techniques I also lost some.  In general my riding has improved every year, I would love to take what I know now and ride the horses of my past.  There is a big but though.  While many of my skills have been honed, the ability to trust a horse down to a jump jumped ship somewhere along the way.

Riding is certainly a journey

I hadn't realized it per se, but I had noticed that jumping didn't quite have the joy I knew it should.  Yes, there were always great jumps sessions sprinkled around, but it just generally was more difficult than I remembered it should be.  I could get any horse doing any shenanigan down to and over a jump, but the idea of just coming in at a good clip and jumping out of stride was eluding me.  My hands are always wanting to check and steer, my legs to push and kick, my seat to be defensive, heck even my voice wanted some action.  By golly we are going to get over that jump come hell or high water.

Brick walls of terror

It has been like I had no ability to jump easily.  I've felt like I'm under water in a pool and keep slipping on the bottom, if good jumps are my oxygen I've been suffocating.  Prisoner and I had a seriously rough summer, yes we made progress, but it was mixed in with lots of what felt like failure.  Turns out it wasn't failure so much and just relearning what I used to know.

These are from a lesson back in August

Poor Prisoner has had to help me wade through the muck and mire I collected getting terrible horses turned into solid citizens.  Many tears have been cried because I've felt like such a failure.  Here I have been blessed with this wildly talented horse and we spent half the summer running sideways, running towards jumps, and rearing.  I've always taken the adage to heart that if something goes wrong with a horse it is first the rider's fault.  While mostly true you can't let it turn into an unhealthy mantra playing over in your head.

Flying airline ottb

I could beat myself up even more playing chicken vs. egg about why he started misbehaving.  What it boils down to is just a big conglomeration of shit stuff called life.  Finding a single culprit to blame would be like finding where the first drop in a rain storm fell, it doesn't matter.  Instead I am looking to move forward.  Relearn the simple art of letting a horse get to a fence without my getting in the way.  He is athletic and smart, he will figure it out without 'help' from me.  I have to relearn to trust my own skills as well as my horse.  When a green horse doesn't understand the concept I can't immediately heap coals upon my head about my own inadequacy and failure, I must instead explain it to them in another way.  All of these are things I knew, I just have to change that back into things I know.

Finding my smile again